Women are good at grooming themselves in order to catch the eye of the
unsuspecting male, but once they've caught a man's attention and have
gotten him interested in getting to know them more, a lot of them fumble
their chance. Here are some quick, actionable hints and tricks for
keeping a man interested. Note, this may be helpful, but if you are
different, maybe other things could help.
Keep him intrigued. If he likes what he knows so far, he'll make sure to come around more often to find out more. Don't be a completely open book, unless that's who you are naturally. Give the relationship time to simmer, and space out some of your revelations so that you still have the ability to surprise him.
Keep him intrigued. If he likes what he knows so far, he'll make sure to come around more often to find out more. Don't be a completely open book, unless that's who you are naturally. Give the relationship time to simmer, and space out some of your revelations so that you still have the ability to surprise him.
- Maintain a little bit of mystery. Don't tell him every little thing
you're doing, every place you've been to, every person you've seen. Even
if you didn't want to be a little mysterious, sharing every little detail about your past and your whereabouts is likely to be draining to a man.
- Keep some surprises up your sleeve. Being hunters, explorers, and daredevils, men naturally love surprises. If you schedule a surprise — going skydiving, for example, or a cruise — don't be afraid to just whisk him away and not tell him about it until he's right in the thick of it
- Maintain a little bit of mystery. Don't tell him every little thing
you're doing, every place you've been to, every person you've seen. Even
if you didn't want to be a little mysterious, sharing every little detail about your past and your whereabouts is likely to be draining to a man.
- If he likes a certain color, it wouldn't hurt to wear that color every once in a while. If he likes a certain food, it wouldn't hurt to surprise him with lunch or dinner.
- Most of our communities are increasingly pluralistic with people from numerous different cultural and ethnic backgrounds. If he is of a different culture from you try as much as you can to read and know a thing or two about his heritage. He will love that.
- In other words, pamper him a little bit. Women loved to be pampered, but so do men. They're just afraid to ask for it for fear of not seeming "manly". Remember, don't coddle or mother him, but do record his favorite TV shows, get him tickets to a game (he can invite his buddies if you don't want to go), or get him that razor he's been talking about. It shouldn't go unnoticed.
- And if you're worried about trust, don't be. Trust him. If he gives you a reason not to trust him, then you can start questioning his motives. The truth is that if you trust him and he likes you, he won't want to give you a reason to revoke that trust. If you don't trust him when you should, he'll want to punish you for not trusting him.
- Reinforce the way he wants to be viewed. Does he consider himself an athlete? Tell him how muscular, coordinated, or skilled he is. Does he consider himself an intellectual? Tell him how smart and profound he is. Does he consider himself a comedian? Laugh at his jokes and set him up to be funny.
- Let him be chivalrous. Pay attention to all the "gentlemanly" things he does for you and acknowledge them. When he opens the door, pays for your meal, or lets you in first, make him feel special!
- Know that he'll most likely act different around his guy friends. Never tolerate outright disrespect, but if he acts a little strange, it's because he's trying to impress his boys. If it doesn't offend you, let him.
- If you need a man who is comfortable showing his love to you in public, tell him gently. Let him know it's a priority to you, but that you understand it might not be a top priority for him. If he really likes or loves you, he'll be open to compromise.
- Don't compare yourself to other women. Not even in a way that seems acceptable. To a guy, this comparison screams "insecurity," and the guy is suddenly worried that he might have to be your psychologist instead of your boyfriend.
- As a general rule of thumb: expect a kiss or two the first couple of dates; some heavy petting perhaps the next couple of dates; and consider,
not necessarily agree to, sex only after the fifth date. If you go on a
date every week, this will give you more than a month to suss him out.
If you still don't feel comfortable, make him wait.
- Once you have developed a sexual relationship, try to keep it
interesting. A couple things to consider as you explore each other's
sexuality:
- Initiate sex at least some of the time. Guys don't always want to be the one asking for it. They certainly want sex, but it makes them feel greedy. Initiate some of the time and you'll keep him happy.
- Ask him what his fantasies are. If you're comfortable with acting them out, give them a try. There's nothing sexier to a guy than a girl who cares about his deepest desires.
- Help him feel adequate. Be open about what he can do to please you sexually. Give him encouragement when he does something good. Never tease or make jokes about length, performance, etc., as guys are especially sensitive about it.
- Try to resolve issues calmly through conversation. Listen to his
perspective, stay calm, and be open to compromise. At the same time,
gently show him your perspective and suggest something actionable, not
abstract — i.e. "I'll be happy to do the laundry if you can be in charge of garbage and recycling."
- Don't hound him about things. He'll feel like you've turned into his mother, and probably not in a good way. Quietly expect him to do what you've asked him to do — remember the rule about trust? — and give him time to get it done. If he doesn't, explain to him in rational terms why it's important. Sometimes, a push is all men need.